Back from London...

and there's a new guy in town. His name is Yas. He was with the Resistance members who came by while we were gone. He's going to be staying here for awhile to recuperate. Apparently he was on a mission in the Americas west - that's where Sal was. I wonder if he knows Sal? I have to ask him. But, so far I haven't been alone with him.

He spends a lot of time with my dad. Tomorrow they're going up north to the highlands. Last time Dad was there he took some pictures for me. I'm putting this one in my scrapbook.

It's so wild compared to where we are. My heart beats faster when I look at it and imagine being there. Maybe some day Dad will let me go with him. I want to see this place, to walk through it's vastness. It's both intriguing and frightening.

In three days

some members of the Resistance will be passing through the area. From what Dad said, they've been working in the western part of the Americas. I wonder if any of them know Sal? Not that I'll be able to ask them... I'm going to London with Layla - Dad wants me to experience a big city that's not at all like Chicago. I want to stay here...

I can't stop thinking about Sal - about the good parts. I don't like to remember how protective he was and how angry I'd get when he couldn't (or wouldn't) understand that I needed to use my power - to feel that I was not a victim. I do like to remember how we laughed together, how it felt to be close to him, his lips on mine... Gotta stop that...

I scoured the communication networks all night looking for someone who looked like him. This guy from the early 2000's, he was an actor, Thomas McDonell, looks so much like Sal...

Gran believed

there was a god. She even talked with me about this god that she called universal love. She said her god didn't need religion to exist - that her god existed "in spite of all the religions that claimed to have a direct line to its ever-present benevolence and divine being."

I didn't always understand the things she said.

We're studying religion in school. Well, we're reading about the Religion Wars and how religions were outlawed in all the countries that signed the treaty that ended the wars. (Which was pretty much every country in the world.) Apparently more people on our planet have been killed in the name of one religion or another than for any other reason. They actually killed people just because they didn't believe in the same religion.

Skivs! That seems crazy to me.

I liked hearing Gran talk about the god she believed in - the one that was love. If I needed a god, it would be one that didn't like killing for any reason.

But - that doesn't matter now, since there are no religions any more. I'm glad of that - really glad. Life's hard enough having to battle a government that wants to tell you how to think and feel and act.

I put a picture in my scrapbook that's a painting of a god from one religion that had lots of gods...

School here

is really different. There aren't any formal classes - we're grouped by ages, sort of. The "high school" is pretty much anywho who would be in grades 9 through 12 back in Chicago. So, there are kids younger than me - closer to Dee's age - and a few older ones. And, all of us in the upper school help the little kids in the primary grades. Since art is my favorite - and everyone thinks I'm good at it - I get to spend a lot of time with the kids helping with art. There's one girl, Brogan, she doesn't look like Dee - but she reminds me of her. Maybe it's the fact that she smiles all the time and that she loves to cook. I've kind of adopted her as my little sister - I mean... yeah... I miss Dee so much. I wonder how she's is doing with her cooking now that Chris isn't around. I'll get Dad to ask Mr. Jenkins the next time he communicates with him.

I remember Holiday dinner, when Dee made Gran's Green Tomato pie... Angie turned her nose up at it. Why did I think of her? I guess cause of that girl's pic I found that looked like her. Well - everyone else loved it! I'd give anything to have a piece of that pie right now... Maybe I can remember the ingredients and maybe Brogan and I can recreate it as a project for school? I'll ask her teacher today...

Some nights

when I can't sleep I browse the information systems. I have to be careful what I search for... there's a whole list of keywords I can't use because they might bring unwanted attention our way. Same reason I can't have any communication with Wei, or anyone... You'd think I could at least contact Dorrie or Brie or Mag or... well, I can't think of any good reason to contact Paulette. Unless it would be to apologize for hating her.

That whole scene at the New Year's Eve party - she knew. Well, she didn't know that Lessig was as totally evil as he is, but she was trying to keep him away from me. And, I thought it was just that she couldn't stand me because of Sal. Anyway - I owe her, big time.

So, I was looking for someone who looks like Wei. I didn't find anyone last night - but I did find a girl that looks so much like her sister, Angie. I always thought it was weird that Angie didn't have a traditional Asian name, like Wei does. Then I found out that she changed her name from Anci to Angie, because she doesn't like her Asian heritage. I don't know why - I think it's fascinating. Oh well.. I went ahead and put the picture in my scrapbook, because it reminds me of home. The girl's an actress from the early 2000's named Hayley Kiyoko. Honestly, I think she looks nicer than Angie!

It wasn't at all

as I'd imagined it would be. Here's how it started...

I open the door. "Hey, Layla." I've startled her. 


"Nina." Pushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, she says, "I didn't know if you were up, and I didn't want to wake you. You need your rest."


I close my door and step into the hallway. "I don't think I need any more rest. My shoulder's fine." I circle my arm in the air. "Besides, Dr. Cunningham wouldn't have allowed me to start Cliste Galad if I wasn't healed."


Layla smiles. "Of course she wouldn't. I just... Are you hungry? Breakfast is ready."


"I'm starved. But first, can we talk?"


A momentary flash of apprehension crosses her face, but she says, "Sure."


Suddenly I'm the one feeling uncertain. "It's about, well..." Layla's eyes fill with sympathy. Gah! Maybe I should've thought out exactly what I wanted to say first. As I grasp around in my brain for words, Layla touches my arm.


"I'd imagine you have a lot of questions about your father and me," she says. "If I were you, I know I would. We could go downstairs - he's not here right now. We'll have some tea and chat."


"Uh huh," is the best I can muster. My mind races like a veljet as we go downstairs to the kitchen. Fortunately, when we get there, I've managed to gather a few of my thoughts into some kind of coherence. 


Layla pours tea for both of us. Instead of sitting opposite, she chooses the chair next to mine, and any lingering resentments I have slip away like water down the drain.

I don't want to go into details right now... I'm still thinking about everything she said about life, love, and the choices we make. She's amazing.

I've had enough...

of people pussy-footing around me, trying to be oh-so-careful in case they say something that will upset me. I mean, skivs! I've been through enough crap in my life so far... they think I can't deal with normal life things? This all has to do with my dad. No one wants to mention Ginnie - my mom. I guess cause they're afraid I'll be upset because of Layla. It's not like I don't know they're a couple. I mean, come on... I'm living in the same house with them.

I have to admit, if I hadn't been such a wreck, physically and emotionally, when I first got here - their attempts to, I dunno what? Break it to me gently? Shield me? Whatever. Anyway, if I'd been anything other than devastated by everything that got me to the GUI - it would've been funny. This was the scene a couple of days after I got here...

I couldn't resist the smell of coffee, even though I don't drink it, it signals breakfast. And, I was starving. I followed the aroma downstairs to the kitchen. Stocking-footed, I padded into the room unnoticed. Dad was running his fingers through Layla's hair, easing it back from her face. She gazed up at him, half-smiling, her arm easy around his waist. When he bent down to kiss her, he noticed me. Two people never untangled themselves so quickly!


"Nina!" Dad took a step towards me. "Are you all right? Your shoulder?"


Layla turned to the stove, her hair swung forward, hiding her expression. "I made pancakes and soy strips, if you're hungry." She busied herself filling a plate for me.

Well, if she comes upstairs this morning - like she often does - but doesn't knock to come in - I'm opening the door. I want to talk... I need to talk to her, whether she's ready or not. I know that you can love one person - but when you can't be with them, other feelings come up. I mean, look at me and Sal... and Chris.

Ah! I hear her... deep breath, Nina... ready?